Our Past

Our past defines us, our past determines who we are....

And yet the interesting thing is, there will not be two people who go through the same thing and result in the same outcome.

So our past defines us, but we determine our own definition

We determine what we want to be...

Why all these prophetic words?

Its interesting. I was looking through my old pictures. Like, really old pictures..

The time when my mom held me and my head was only the size of a small pumpkin. My mom was really beautiful. I guess that's where I got my smile and energy.

Then I was five years old. I was beside my dad at a house in Bukit Chedang. He wore these big, wacky glasses they wore in the 90s. hmm... sounds familiar... Serious but playful?

Then fast forward to the time I was 10. Friends. Friends at school. Main kejar2. Makan kat kantin. Man those were the days.

Then to the time I was older, wiser: high school. From the dark days to the glory days.

There was a picture of us in the dorm making really dumb faces. Spiky hair, sweaty after that cross-training around school.

Friends doing manhunt poses with those flabby untoned stomachs. Yang gemok pon join beb. Hmmm... No wonder there is craziness under all this seriousness..

A picture of moi on the bed, lifting a finger....Hmm....rebelliousness?

And then there are pictures with no me in it at all...Hmm. Have I always been camera shy?

But then theres a picture of me when I was 17. Guitar in the dorm. That soulful face. Hmmm..Jiwang?? (no no no)

And the picture of the stage I grazed for so long. Since I was 13, that stage was my forte. I was confident on it. I had no problems in front of a big crowd. Nerves are second nature that time. hmm.....thats where I turned into a performer....

And from these early dark days, my every expression was different. Being from the childish chaiwalla who didn't know how to smile to save my life, to the guy who didn't have any expression at all, and slowly learning to find my smile. hmm....progressiveness...

And the final picture was a picture of two girls. I'm not in it. But these two girls meant the world to me. they both look similar, one was in her twenties, and the other is still a teen.

They gave colour to my life that was dull and boring. I grew up with them. They keep me company when I am alone, and I hear their stories in return. These girls were my past. And I hope they will be my future.

So, what is your past?